Let’s talk

Talking is so SO important.

I don’t think I can stress that enough.

When you bottle things up, internalize what you’re feeling, your body feels it.

You’re punishing yourself because you don’t let go.

(Cue Frozen – let it goooo 🎢)

Tonight, the air was cleared.

I’ve been feeling tension for a while, with no real explanation as to why or what caused it.

And finally, the truth came out.

Yes, it takes for an action to occur in order for it to be rectified, but that’s exactly what happened.

I like to think of myself as somebody who is nonconfrontational, I don’t like to start shit.

I feel that as an intellectual human, an adult, I should be able to converse in a calm manner, address the problem and create a resolution to solve that problem.

A few months back, for those of you just joining in (heeyy!), I was promoted at work and became the front desk manager.

Or to glorify the title – Client Services Manager.

I took the position mainly for the extra cash, not gonna lie.

But, being the oldest receptionist there, it only made sense that I would assume the position.

Anyway, since the promotion, we’ve lost some employees and have gained new employees.

While there haven’t been any true issues, there was only one.

I could feel this inexplicable tension between me and another. And for the life of me, I couldn’t place my finger on it as to why.

Today, we both let our emotions get to us and it finally led to us having a talk.

When you hear the words “we need to have a talk” come from somebody’s mouth, you truly don’t know what to expect.

Your nerves hit you and worry takes over.

But when it’s necessary and the outcome is nothing but positive, you can move forward, get over the hump and move past the problem.

I can only hope that next week will be the start to a change, fingers crossed 🀞🏼.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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Admirer

It’s nice to know that you’ve still got it.

That people in the world still find you to be attractive.

Not that it should matter because only your opinion of yourself should be the most important.

But…

It’s still nice to have someone compliment you.

Even if you have a spouse, significant other or whatever you’ve labeled them as, someone else sees you.

I’m the kind of person who is completely oblivious to the obvious and doesn’t know if people even know that I exist.

Safe to say, they do.

I’ve been safely oblivious to the attraction someone has had for me, for months.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t have some sort of idea. But honestly, I like to not know.

Why?

Because sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.

It makes me hyper aware of myself.

Self conscious.

But, in the same instance, it makes me feel a bit like a kid.

Like ohmygosh somebody has a crush on me *blush* 😳☺️.

I’m married.

I’m committed.

In my relationship, there is no novel romance.

There is no sweet buttering up.

Just straight up, this is what it is and how it’ll be.

I’m not always a fan, but truth be told… This is all I know.

I’ve never been romanced in a way you only read about.

But I crave the change.

I’m secretly (not so secretly) wishing that my partner will wisen up and notice that I do need some sweetness in my life, not just the rough and tough stuff.

Only the future knows what my fate holds πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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Renew

It’s a new year.

New goals.

New visions.

Crack down and work hard.

I renewed my blog domain for another year πŸŽ‰πŸŽŠ.

I almost changed hosts due to a misunderstanding in the way it’s worded in what you have, hosting/domain/security etc. etc.

Now I’m in the balance of life’s throes.

We’re in a race against the clock.

My husband and I need to make sure we have paperwork and money orders sent in my a certain time to avoid him getting deported.

After we’ve done everything the right way.

Legally married, have a child, file the right paperwork, pay the fees and show up to appointments when we’re told.

Just so they can turn around and give us a big go fuck yourself. All because he was stopped as a teenager for having some marijuana on his person.

Uhm, excuse me good ol government of the USA, we’re so fucking close to legalizing recreational use in the whole damn country that our current situation is that we’re LITERALLY sandwiched between two countries that have already made the move.

What the fuck are we waiting for?

So yes, I was scared.

Yes, I was sad.

And yes, I’m fucking pissed that my country, my home so to speak, is trying to throw my husband out of the country because his parents brought him here so many years ago and let their visas lapse without ever getting the right papers to be here legally.

So now, here we are.

Fighting the good fight.

I’ve started a family that I will NOT let them divide because some orange headed idiot was allowed to run a country he has no business running.

Wish me luck guys, 2019 is gonna be rough.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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29

She shirks away from others more and more each year.

Not wanting to embrace it.

Choosing instead to ignore it.

To hope it’ll just go away.

Truth is, it never does.

It never will.

Happy birthday.

This is 29.

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50 isn’t so old

Yesterday was my father’s 50th birthday. (12/20)

The BIG 5-0!

Over the hill…

Yadda Yadda, all that good stuff.

But when I saw him… I can’t even begin to express how I felt.

It’s sad at how rapidly you can see the decline in his health.

He’s never been good at caring for himself, and it’s showing more than ever.

The last time I saw him was in September for my daughter’s birthday.

And yes, I’ve known for a while that his health has been on the decline. But I guess I didn’t realize just how bad it is now.

His entire mouth is one big rotting fest and he barely has any teeth left.

His legs look like that of a diabetic’s.

And his eyes, they’re becoming cloudy like an animal’s when they’re in the beginning stages of getting cataracts.

Now I’m not a medical professional, but I can tell you I saw someone who is very sick.

My relationship with my father has always been a strained and difficult one.

And the way that he is makes it hard to want to care for him.

I’ve been brought up in a way that’s made me cold.

While I feel that his days are numbered, it doesn’t bother me so much in the sense that I’ll be sad about it, but the fact that my daughter will never have the type of relationship that I had with my grandfather.

What’s worse about the whole situation is that either my father is in complete denial about his current state, or he’s really just oblivious.

The man who believes he’s superman, isn’t so super after all.

My plate of life has become fuller than ever before.

Stress is about to accelerate at a speed that I won’t be able to control.

Just when things are going well, some unseen force has to shut that down quickly.

You can’t be seen having it too easy.

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks.

My gray hairs are coming in more.

Is it a combination of aging or is it stress?

Asking for a friend πŸ˜…

I’ve been a little preoccupied with non sleep, visiting family and trying to be present this holiday season.

But as long as I am able to come up with the money to renew my blog, I will write more. I’m going to be better and become organized. I think I’ll make a calendar for myself.

Haha I say these things now, but knowing me, we’ll see.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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