Tempting

Does she realize she’s possibly doing something that pleases another?

On a completely subconscious level, doing something – for example – wearing a certain hairstyle, clothing or whatever the thing may be.

But, that she is doing it because it causes a positive effect.

She enjoys the attention.

The fact being, another looks at her the way you’re supposed to.

Because, we all know that love changes throughout the years.

It grows, it dies, it does all sorts of shit.

But alas, what does she do once she has this thought?

When she begins to believe a lie?

That another – a stranger – is capable of not just enjoying one’s attractive qualities?

That the other person couldn’t love them on the same level as the person they’re with?

For once you are with someone, and a significant amount of has passed, you begin to learn each other’s true self.

If you have children, it’s on a whole different level.

But

Of course the temptation is palpable.

It’s evident.

It’s growing.

It’sΒ terrifying.

Resist temptation or give in a little?

 

 

 

 

 

‘Till next post

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As the world turns

More changes are headed my way.

Hopefully good, but of course, some bad too.

Let’s start from the top, shall we?

So I’ve mentioned my father before and how he’s just turned 50 and doesn’t care for himself whatsoever.

What I mean is, for years, this man didn’t see a doctor or check up on his health.

He has terrible habits such as cigarettes and alcoholism and a poor diet without regular exercise.

Now, I too fall into a category of shit eating and lack of exercise, but, I can at least say that I’ve seen a doctor within the past five years and know I don’t have any imminent health concerns.

Since December, I’ve struggled to keep in touch with my father due to him not having a phone, etc., etc.

But when I saw him for his birthday, in my gut, I knew something was wrong.

He lives with someone. Someone that I struggle to give a title to because it’s not accurate. So, I just say she’s his roommate.

A few weeks back, his roommate reached out to me because she was concerned for my father.

He’s currently out of work and has always gone through periods of not working and then picking up odd jobs here and there.

So, out of work, staying at home and sleeping for excessive amounts of time.

Not completely unusual for him, but, the other concern was his breathing and his stomach which seemed to be getting firmer and larger as the time passed.

I myself still haven’t spoken to him, but I’ve finally been updated.

My father has been going to multiple doctor appointments and having tests run.

What we’ve found out and have been told so far;

He is suffering from sleep apnea – pretty sure he’s had this for years

He has carbon monoxide poisoning – not sure how or if this is related to the work he’s done over the years, recent exposure in his apartment, or if it’s because of the cigarettes over the years

And last but certainly not least…

He has been diagnosed with COPD.

I do not know what stage he’s in, I know surgery is recommended for him to lose weight and he’s going to need an oxygen tank to help him breathe.

With this news, you would think I would be upset.

But the truth is, I can’t say that I’m surprised and he’s let this happen to himself.

I don’t know how long he’ll be around.

It’s unfortunate.

It’s a terrible thing to know that one of your parents could drop dead at any given time.

It’s inevitable that we all have an expiration date, but to know it’s sooner than later gives you time to prepare?

In other news…

Positive changes are coming to my job, marketing stuff, paint job, new employees – all that jazz.

My boss dropped the bomb on me that my position too will be growing within the next few months.

Our hospital manager is currently one foot out the door so she can follow her heart and move to the UK to be with her partner.

With her being gone, I’ll be filling in a gap and taking some of the workload from my boss.

In simpler terms, I’ll basically be stepping up from front desk manager to hospital manager.

More responsibility, more money, more headaches πŸ˜….

I’m just looking forward to next month where we’ll have a nice family getaway for a week in Maryland.

Our plan is to enjoy time away from home, get out to DC and soak up the zoo and museums and just make the most of a trip.

I will try to document as much as possible from the trip since it will be our first with the little lady.

I hear traveling with kids can be so fun πŸ€ͺ.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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Let’s talk

Talking is so SO important.

I don’t think I can stress that enough.

When you bottle things up, internalize what you’re feeling, your body feels it.

You’re punishing yourself because you don’t let go.

(Cue Frozen – let it goooo 🎢)

Tonight, the air was cleared.

I’ve been feeling tension for a while, with no real explanation as to why or what caused it.

And finally, the truth came out.

Yes, it takes for an action to occur in order for it to be rectified, but that’s exactly what happened.

I like to think of myself as somebody who is nonconfrontational, I don’t like to start shit.

I feel that as an intellectual human, an adult, I should be able to converse in a calm manner, address the problem and create a resolution to solve that problem.

A few months back, for those of you just joining in (heeyy!), I was promoted at work and became the front desk manager.

Or to glorify the title – Client Services Manager.

I took the position mainly for the extra cash, not gonna lie.

But, being the oldest receptionist there, it only made sense that I would assume the position.

Anyway, since the promotion, we’ve lost some employees and have gained new employees.

While there haven’t been any true issues, there was only one.

I could feel this inexplicable tension between me and another. And for the life of me, I couldn’t place my finger on it as to why.

Today, we both let our emotions get to us and it finally led to us having a talk.

When you hear the words “we need to have a talk” come from somebody’s mouth, you truly don’t know what to expect.

Your nerves hit you and worry takes over.

But when it’s necessary and the outcome is nothing but positive, you can move forward, get over the hump and move past the problem.

I can only hope that next week will be the start to a change, fingers crossed 🀞🏼.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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Admirer

It’s nice to know that you’ve still got it.

That people in the world still find you to be attractive.

Not that it should matter because only your opinion of yourself should be the most important.

But…

It’s still nice to have someone compliment you.

Even if you have a spouse, significant other or whatever you’ve labeled them as, someone else sees you.

I’m the kind of person who is completely oblivious to the obvious and doesn’t know if people even know that I exist.

Safe to say, they do.

I’ve been safely oblivious to the attraction someone has had for me, for months.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t have some sort of idea. But honestly, I like to not know.

Why?

Because sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.

It makes me hyper aware of myself.

Self conscious.

But, in the same instance, it makes me feel a bit like a kid.

Like ohmygosh somebody has a crush on me *blush* 😳☺️.

I’m married.

I’m committed.

In my relationship, there is no novel romance.

There is no sweet buttering up.

Just straight up, this is what it is and how it’ll be.

I’m not always a fan, but truth be told… This is all I know.

I’ve never been romanced in a way you only read about.

But I crave the change.

I’m secretly (not so secretly) wishing that my partner will wisen up and notice that I do need some sweetness in my life, not just the rough and tough stuff.

Only the future knows what my fate holds πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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Renew

It’s a new year.

New goals.

New visions.

Crack down and work hard.

I renewed my blog domain for another year πŸŽ‰πŸŽŠ.

I almost changed hosts due to a misunderstanding in the way it’s worded in what you have, hosting/domain/security etc. etc.

Now I’m in the balance of life’s throes.

We’re in a race against the clock.

My husband and I need to make sure we have paperwork and money orders sent in my a certain time to avoid him getting deported.

After we’ve done everything the right way.

Legally married, have a child, file the right paperwork, pay the fees and show up to appointments when we’re told.

Just so they can turn around and give us a big go fuck yourself. All because he was stopped as a teenager for having some marijuana on his person.

Uhm, excuse me good ol government of the USA, we’re so fucking close to legalizing recreational use in the whole damn country that our current situation is that we’re LITERALLY sandwiched between two countries that have already made the move.

What the fuck are we waiting for?

So yes, I was scared.

Yes, I was sad.

And yes, I’m fucking pissed that my country, my home so to speak, is trying to throw my husband out of the country because his parents brought him here so many years ago and let their visas lapse without ever getting the right papers to be here legally.

So now, here we are.

Fighting the good fight.

I’ve started a family that I will NOT let them divide because some orange headed idiot was allowed to run a country he has no business running.

Wish me luck guys, 2019 is gonna be rough.

‘Till next post ✌🏼

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